Japans greatest invention!

Black man in an Onsen

Epic Ibiza Freestyle #Vibes

Stop and Search in Ibiza!

A short story about when I was searched in Ibiza on a night out.

The Time That We Went Clubbing In Central London

It's my birthday, I'm at uni, T-Pain has just dropped the song Low and Usher was steaming up the charts with Love In This Club. The days been perfect. I linked my girl earlier in the day, got my Jeremiah on and now the mandem are on their way round. Once they arrive everyone's on a hype, I remain the champion of Pro Evo (who even remembers Pro Evo, that got dropped like a bad habbit, shout out to London FC and Man Red ). I dead a few man at Street Fighter and we pre-drink like Jesus was doing the catering (He wasn't, I paid for it) after all only suckkas buy drinks in the club right...#studentlife.

I had decided that I was gonna do it big this year, so I was steering well away from the SU Bar. I had been putting some hard graft into my retail job and had the shekels to prove it. My student card would know no bounds tonight (well, it definitely would), I made sure I was going to shine, nothing could stop us. It's was always going to be a Leicester Square ting.

Just before we set off, there are 6 of us by the way, all lads of the chocolate or curry persuasion, we all know the drill but a reminder is always welcomed. So we run through the obligatory checklist before slamming my front door shut in a pursuit to paint the proverbial town red.
"Everyman got shoes yeah" check, "oi, you man got your Id's" check, "you got a shirt on, with a collar and dat" check. "Ok, everyman got shoes..." I notice my front door slam shut as one person hastily runs back to his place to change his footwear, he was visibly frustrated with himself, after all he knew the procedure inside out, we've been doing it for years.

If you didn't own a pair of these between 11 - 16 years old, you had no status in life

He arrives after a short absence, out of breath, brandishing what looks like shoes we had previously seen before. "I swear you used to wear those in school" one claims.
"And church!" another interrupts.
"Yeah, hard times innit" he replies. We all laugh at his efforts and then he quickly retorts, "Well your girlfriend likes them". We burst out laughing and stagger intoxicated out of the door.
"We need to get there before 10, you know what these places are like" I assert. We frantically look my the watch...another voice panics, "did you put us on the guestlist...ahh man the guestlist!". Anyone would think we were illegals going through immigration.

We arrive in Leicester square in high spirits, we can see the night club in the near distance and gather around to finalise our plan, we are close enough to see the bright lights of the club but far enough so that we are out of the bouncers view. The club stands like an oasis in a desert as drones of people gravitate towards it.

I tighten my belt and take control. Getting into a nightclub in Central London is hard enough as it is, never mind when you're on the darker side of the colour spectrum. So we treat it is like a military operation. "Right!" I exclaim authoritatively. Everyone listens, ears perched, awaiting their orders, "every one act sober, we are going to go in two groups of three, no... wait three groups of two, everyone nods approvingly. "Make sure they (the bouncers) don't see you drinking, make sure they don't see us together, make sure you stand next to girls...make sure..." the list goes on. After ticking off our endless check list we still don't expect to get in but feign confidence so that we don't ruin the moral of our fellow soldiers.

"Follow the plan or else"

We cue up, attempting to be inconspicuous, hearts racing as the bouncer walks up and down the queue inspecting us like cattle, he walks up once, then back on himself, then disappears into the night. We are ecstatic, we have survived the first examination.

30 minutes later me and my partner are at the front of the queue, I glance back down the queue, hi-fiving the rest of the squadron with only the smile on my face, ensuring I keep my composure. They get the message and look on filled with hope. The plan to strategically space ourselves out in the queue and communicate primarily through BBM, seemed to had worked.

Until....."Not tonight lads" the bouncer chuffed as he aggressively lifts the up-stand barricade to lead us back onto the cold hard concrete.
"Huh, why" I shout in disbelief.
"You haven't got any girls", isn't that the point, I say to myself, we're here to meet girls, who brings sandwiches to a buffet after all. "gahh I knew it!" one of my friends huffs as he sees us get turned away. He leaves the queue and the other 2 company's relinquish their spot in the queue to joins us, all for one and one for all after all.

We stare at each other dejected, looking for a reason for our rejection "Of course we didn't get in" one complained, "it's cos you've got a beard like bin laden!"
"huh! what about you?" one replies, "You're wearing a woolly hat and one Nike golf glove, like you're 16 and on your way to the youth centre"
"Nah, he saw his shoes and wanted to save you from asking for forgiveness in the morning" Another chuckles.
"Ha, nope, it's because you're so black, you look like an unlocked game character"
Once again we all burst out laughing and continue walking away attempting to regain our confidence by taking our frustrations out on the nightclub, whilst simultaneously consoling each other,"it looks dead in there anyway" we mutter to ourselves (it didn't). "Anyway who wants to pay £20 to get into a club, that's my weekly shopping!"

He knows

As we walk away, we glance back over our shoulder one last time and notice three Essex boys in Polo's and comb overs walk straight past our once hostile bouncer and directly into the establishment. We shake our heads in disbelief, after seeing the injustice I go back to the bouncers to confront them, but my friends hold me back and persuade me it's not worth it.

We spent the next 2 hours wandering aimlessly around London receiving rejection upon rejection. we were now, sober, cold, miserable, hungry and had missed the last train home. If we didn't have a friend who did not take no for an answer we would have went home frustrated, but due to this guys incessant hope and positivity we tried to get into a fourth club. I repeat fourth! Who the hell does that. We ultimately get in and had the time of our life, long forgetting our previous misfortune.

I would have forgotten this experience if it wasn't for the article below. It made me realise that so many us take this as a norm but it really shouldn't be. To be refused entry because of race or gender is illegal. I'm happy that this dark norm has finally had light shone upon it and as a result I will never be refused entry again. Check out the link below for more info on your rights and leave your comments below.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-32883122

40 Long Ass Days Of Lent

What demonstrates a persons mental strength more than giving up something that they love or something they figuratively can't live without?

I'm not a religious person but can see that there is something nobel in the act of fasting or witholding something from yourself which plays a big part in your lives, so after ruining my friends feeble attempt at giving up alcohol, which lasted a laughable 17 hours and 38 minutes or a measly 8 minutes in my company. I thought I'd look into the idea.

In their defence, no-one can say no to a caipirinha, it's the drink of champions, a drink which demands respect and slaps you with its minty freshness once you have succumbed to it's limey zingyness. 

Anyway after laughing at their futile attempt until I got bored of my own jokes, (which took an unusually long time) I saw the positives in what they had attempted to achieve and wondered to myself, what is my vice? What plays such a big part in my life that I don't even realise that it's there? What couldn't I live without? I once again asked my trusted network of friends to find out what it was? I had a range of suggestions thrown at me such as cigarettes, which would be easy as I smoke on two occasions a month at most. Alcohol, which I would do but Mr Capirinha wouldn't be best pleased but then came the real hit. Immedatley upon suggesting it they retracted their statement and said, "actually, no you can't do that". To which outrage crossed my face, (if they could have seen the piercing stare I gave my Samsung S4 When I scrolled through whatsapp to read their message, they would have turned on their heels ran a mile. 

By now you can probably realise the easiest way to get me to do something is to tell me that I can't, I'm like a dog with a bone when someone challenges me. So it was settled, I would give up sweets. Sweets are literally my life blood, I am the connoisseur of all things sugary and feel no shame when walking into a newsagents, picking up The Economist, a Frodo, a Twangers, a pack of Jelly Bellys, putting down the exact change and shouting "thanks boss" as I exit.

These are addictive and offer a contrasting sweet and sour zing, with the added bonus of turning your tongue blue
Harvey's sweet-tooth rating -  7/10.

They knew this would be an uphill task, but did attempt to console by informing me that they knew of an Irish person that succeeded in giving up alcohol. Really!? Is that possible, now did they know them personally or was it like a legend or folk tale like the lockness monster? I've never been to Ireland but know a few Irish people and their love for alcohol is legendary. I once bore witness to a woman go past the point of no return, return back to a sober state and then order shots of tequila all within 30 minutes, I mean...really!? I repeat...she went PAST the point of no return. I've also been drank under the table by a 5 foot 4 Irish man, my only recorded drinking competition defeat that I would honestly hold my hands up to. Winston Churchill would be proud of any Irish mans alcohol consumption, In fact I can see him smiling down on dublin as we speak (on a side note why is Winston such a stereotypical Jamaican name? something to do with him perhaps). 

I love a challenge but could this be one step too far. There is no prize at steak this time, it's simply Me vs "Addiction". Who wins? I decide.

Replace the woman in this music video with a pack of Haribo Tangfastics and this will be me in two days. Wish me luck.

If Valentines Day Wasn't Bad Enough

What's worse than February 14th for single ladies... Monday 16th. If you're lucky, so far you have been able to avoid social media, turned a blind eye to all in-store flower promotions and even managed to side step the hype of the 50 Shades of Grey film (which I have been told is terrible, although that person was a bitter single lady).

I have out lined this day as being even more devastating than the 14th for 2 reasons:

1. Women show off.

Women enjoy talking about themselves, fact, but there is nothing women love sharing more than a story that involves their partner showing their appreciation for them. Better prepare your interested story listening face because the realisation that you are alone will come thick and fast.

Now guys that have a good woman and even those with bad women know they cannot get away with doing nothing for their partner on the day of love (it's just not worth the arguments). So whether they love their woman or hate her with a passion, you can guarantee he did something. Whether it was taking her to Paris and admiring the Eiffel Tower or picking up a bunch of wilted flowers after work from the petrol station, he made sure he ticked that box.

Before...

One thing that women are the brilliant at, other than arguing, complaining, taking things out of context and only seeing things from their perspective is exaggeration, and with the new art form of Instagram filters, exageration has became an effortless exercise, that once bouquet of wilted flowers can be transformed within seconds to a never ending bed of roses (so don't take their pictures literally).

...After

2. Everyone got engaged

It seems this was a bumper year for the diamond industry because everyone got engaged! Everyone except you! Facebook, Instagram and twitter are all full to the point of explosion with pictures of proposals, engagement rings and cute couples. Damn them and their happiness you say as they continue to rub your noses in it, you reluctantly "like" their picture, they have over 100 likes, it would be rude not to you think to yourself and you are no hater, hmm.

But don't worry single ladies, I've got a good feeling about this year, it's going to be your year, you will take a walk down the street, bump into someone, drop your books and gaze lovingly into that strangers eyes as he attempts to help you pick them up. He will become besotted with you and ask to be your boyfriend, you will conquer the world together and live happily every after (Disclaimer: If this hasn't happened by February 14th 2016 re-read this paragraph). To surmise, if you're sensitive about having noone special to share Valentines Day with, do yourself a favour and call in sick.

In reality though, it's just another day and if you really want to know it's origins and why so many people are made to feel so sh*tty on this day every year, you may want to watch this video. The origins of this celebration are more screwed up than you think. Would you care about this day if it wasn't so commercialised...probably not. Happy Valentines!

How To Win On Valentines Day - Part 1

There's a famous saying and it goes something like this, "there are three types of people in this world, those that can count and those that can't". Well as much as that is true for 364 days of the year. On February the 14th this all goes out the window, because on Valentines Day it's a whole new ball game.

There still remains 3 types of people yet, they differ substantially, there are those that are lonely, those that are bitter and those that take their (love) life by the scuff of the neck, these my friends are the opportunists. In this blog I'm going to give you a taster of how to be this kind of person and not only will you secure a "date" for that special day, but you may even get lucky, actually, i'm not a miracle worker but lets crack on. I'm going to make this short and sweet as the game isn't that hard.

Now at this time of year people are probably the loneliest they will ever be and for the last 2 weeks the poor souls have been unable to escape the Valentines Day hype. The newspapers are full of gifts to get your partner, you can't walk though a supermarket without knocking over a bunch of roses and films have been produced specifically to make you feel like sh*t. It has become a dreaded day, but not for you, this is the day you have been waiting for, its the day you change someones fate, your doing this for them, not for yourself, you wouldn't be that selfish.

Now those that are lonely and bitter have something in common, they both want someone to show them some affection. and contrary to popular belief, on this day of opportunity most people out there will be lonely and they will spend the majority of the day looking at their phones for a notification from their crush that never comes.

Now this is where the opportunist comes in, the opportunist is neither lonely or bitter on Valentines Day but instead are chancers and can sniff out a chance from a mile off. They pre-game, they've been planning this stuff for weeks, Valentines Day won't spring up on them like they've told you. They've been grooming you without your knowledge, they have the mind of a predator. And are in the know, he knows that if you're single, 9 times out of 10 you will be one of the above.

Lads if you are still looking to secure that "date" on Valentines Day, there are few simple steps you must follow, because trust me every lad out there is doing it, and if you haven't started yet it's going to be a quiet night infront of pornhub for you and no-one wants that, you've got the other 364 days of the year to show that kind off affection, Mia Khalifa can wait.

Step 1 -  Scroll through your whats app and message all girls indiscriminately, and when I say indiscriminanlty I mean it. You may get a few, "who's this" or "if you contact me again I'm calling the police" but it's all part and parcel. "Hey ;-)" will suffice. Get the conversation going, chances are out of your 50 female contacts you will get at least 10% in replies back. thats a whole 500% more girls than you were talking to yesterday. #Winning, You're in the game!

Lol...keep fighting

2.) Join POF or Tinder - Contrary to what peoples profiles say, they know the score, that site has a reputation for a reason. I've heard that Tinder now limits likes per day so hurry up and finish this so you can get to work, swipe right until you run out of credits then move back onto POF, repeat this cyclically until you get a reply (POF conversation starters can be offered at request).

3.) Update your profile picture with one of you holding a dog, strange but true, the b*tches love dogs. Pug or Chihuahua preferable, but any puppy will suffice. If you don't have a dog, walk to the park and borrow someone else's, get it done by hook or by crook.

He Knows

That's all for now, but I'll be back with more tips. Happy Valentines Day, Godspeed!

"7%"

If you are ever feeling a little lost, look no further than this list. It's contains everything you should keep in mind when going through your everyday trails and tribulations. Enjoy.

"7%" Written by Regina Brett

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

The Competition Hots Up!

I always said I wouldn’t be a blogger that goes on a hiatus, alas 3 months into blogging I go on undue hiatus, such as life. #Fail.

So what have I been up to that has been able to stop me, quite a lot to be honest. But high on my agenda has been my fitness regime. If you have read my earlier post you would be aware that I am currently competing in a battle against financial ruin against what I now know to be a worthy opponent. We are battling for an (almost) all expense paid trip to sunny Santorini, the land of clear skies, beautiful beaches and is a stones throw away from economic hardship.

What could motivate a man more than waking up to this view?

Probably having an ice cold beer this view

But never the less,  we are now at the half way point and the competition is hotting up.

I initially got ahead to a blazing start winning the first 2 weeks only to be pulled back to a draw after 8 weeks of competition, with the score level pegged at 4 weeks to 4 just before Jesus’ birthday. Then catastrophe hits, I’m taken from behind (get your mind out off the gutter). Its now 5 -4 and I’m losing for the first time in the competition. But what does a real champion do when they take a knock? they dig deep and find a will to fight, hence I storm to another lead.

Coming into this competition I didn’t know what affects it would have on my social calendar after all, what’s the worse thing that could happen when you agree to something when your drunk….(don’t answer that).

Is there much worse than seeing this?

Well the reality of the competition is this…on Sunday night you set your alarm and thanks to Samsung ‘s alarm clock feature you count the hours before you wake up, you stay up for an extra 30 minutes consuming media (Youtube etc), you know you will be sleep deprived, but you do it anyway…you wake up tired (no shit Sherlock), you go to work, you be amazing. But then you wonder… you wonder if your opponent is going to make it to the gym, you look at the TV guide and you wonder, you see the Champions League is on and you wonder if you can watch it, you wonder if they are going to go to the gym to get a head start on you, you finish work and all you want to do is to get home, beat the traffic, have a cuppa and watch Eastenders however…you get that dreaded snap chat….they are in the gym and you are at home like a loser, your comfortable evening of doing nothing is now tainted, tainted with the stench of defeat. You may be in the shower for a while trying to get rid of it, however it doesn’t wash out easily. They want it!

Well they may want it, but not more than me, I have had a surge in energy these previous weeks and I’m going to win this.

Current score 7 – 5 to me! Game on! 10 weeks to go!

All motivational whatsapps to get me to the gym are welcomed.

"1, 2 Harvey's coming for you, 

3, 4 better lock your door, 

5, 6 grab your crucifix, 

7, 8 I won't be staying up late, 

Why?

cos I'm gonna kick your ass! Thats why!"

#HarveysGonnaKickYourAss. Can you make hashtags about yourself? Nevermind I just did, deal with it!

The Time I Witnessed The Not So Great Escape...

Cast you mind into the future, you have lived a happy life, maybe you have been married, maybe you have children, maybe you have travelled the world or struck it rich. However no mater what you accomplished, there will always be a decision that you will carry forever. A decision that you would prefer to have changed. It could be a job you wished you had applied for, a risk you wish you had been brave enough to take, a person you wish you spent more (or less) time with. Well that's the beauty of hindsight and as romantic as going back in time sounds it isn't possible, so what do you do?

If you recognise this, you should feel old...this was once a date which at one point felt more distant than the moon itself

Well on a silent winters evening I witnessed someone take their fate into their own hands, they saw an opportunity and seized it, leaving nothing in the hands of fate.

I was coming home from a hard day at work and decided to treat myself to a cheeky pancake roll. As I approached my favourite chinese restaurant I could hear a crackly voice shouting through the darkness. I ignored it at first, as you do, then I heard it again and felt compelled to look around. The words "stop following me!" crumbled from the lips of a pint-sized elderly woman, with hair a white as snow and a coat as dark as soot.

This was strange, who would want to bring harm to such a feeble looking old woman. I looked in the direction of the withered voice, puffed my chest out ready to rescue this pensioner in peril and do my good deed for the day. But at a second glance I realised she didn't need my assistance at all, any intervention would merely have slowed her progress, for she was a woman on a mission, she had a determined look in her eye and moved with a purpose, a lethargic purpose but a purpose none the less. She raised her voice 0.5 decibels higher, "stop following me...I'm, warning you!" shaking her fist as you only see in cartoons.

"Elizabeth i'm just doing my job" a soft voice responds, "Your not doing your job your chasing me... who told you? Julie!?"  I had expected to see a woman being chased by a stranger, a hooded man, up to no good with evil in his eyes and anger in his heart, instead I witnessed a low speed pursuit as Elizabeth steadily yet angrily raised her rollator above the curb to mount the pavement. I casted my eyes across the road to see where Elizabeth the Innocent was escaping from, it was an old peoples home, this elderly woman had waited with baited breath for darkness to fall, to stealthily make her great escape but her efforts were scuppered only due to the sabotage of Julie on reception.

My expectation of the person chasing poor Elizabeth the innocent

What I imagine Julie on reception to look like.

I thought I would wait a moment to see how this panned out, after all where was she escaping to, what was the master plan? Where might an elderly woman want to escape to on a Tuesday evening at 7pm? Where other than the local chip shop! You couldn't make it up, it's a shame she forgot her purse, it was almost a perfectly executed plan.

The appeal of his inviting smile and cod in batter were all too alluring for Elizabeth the Devious

Although Elizabeth the Brave never got her chips that night.  I salute her, she has demonstrated that's it's never to late to take your life in your own hands and go for what you want however big or small and yes there will be Julie's out there that may attempt to slow your progress or stop it in it's tracks but don't let that suppress your desires. Do an Elizabeth and live on the wild side. 

Elizabeth the Sly, master of stealth carried out her duties as usual as to not arise suspicion before the night of the great escape

I'm sure 50 years ago she wouldn't have thought it would have been a challenge to walk to the shops and buy something of her own accord but that's how quickly our goals and perspectives can change. I salute you Elizabeth, next time bribe Julie with a Werthers Original and I'm sure your next mission will be a success.

The Time I Didn’t Get To The End...

I was a pretty sensible kid and as my parents worked during the day I was kind of left to my own devices after school.  I'd walk home alone, let myself in and do pretty much whatever I wanted.

Some kids may have used this time to wreck havoc or wander the streets. But I chose to do the opposite, I’d eat my after school meal that my mum always prepared, sit on my parents bed and tune into nothing other than cbbc (I was about 8 years old). I was a child of routine and did this everyday throughout the winter months for as long as I could remember. I watched whatever was on or if I really felt like treating myself I'd put on a movie. The genre didn’t matter because I wasn’t the most squeamish so would happily watch anything (apart from Cousin IT, the devil himself must have made that film).

However the tide turned on one warm spring afternoon, I was perched on my parents bed as usual watching an episode of my favorite TV show, Goosebumps. But then my front door knocked as the show reached it's climax. It was one of my best friends,  he asked me to play out and I quickly obliged, switching the TV off and running outside, probably the worse decision I have ever made.

All seemed well until later that night. As I lay in my bed and began to drift into a slumber, I realised something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put a finger on it. Now I am a person that doesn’t dream, for me, as soon as I close my eyes everything turns black, total darkness falls and before I know it, it's tomorrow. 

But no, not this night, my perfect darkness was hijacked within my unconscious mind and instead I was transported to a world I was unfamiliar with, an age I had no recollection of, a body I didn't recognise, but within a scenario which seemed all too familiar. Where was I? I was in the exact scene in the Goosebumps episode when I decided to join my friend outside. Except I was alone and I had no guidance in the unforgiving world of children’s television.

Now all those that had the pleasure of watching Goosebumps knew it could be a little thrilling, but on that day my merciless mind taught me that the imagination is scarier than anything that a movie could ever muster up. I don’t know what I had done to my mind on this occasion, but one thing was certain, it wanted to scare the s**t out of me. And oh did it succeed.  I was petrified, everything that could possibly happen to someone happened in that nightmare and boy do I remember it as vividly as ever. Everything was trying to kill me, I was drowning in sand, trapped in a pyramid maze whereby the walls kept rearranging themselves and if that wasn’t enough, I was being chased by a mummy, called Claudette, that’s my mums name. The one thing that I was familiar with was the main thing trying to kill me (ahh the irony). I literally woke up in about 3 cold sweats that night, afraid to even step out of my bed, terrified of even my own shadow, i'm sure if I took my eyes of him he’d have been added to the list of things trying to kill me.

I have gone through lengths to attempt to find this episode to eradicate my fears, finish watching it and to put an end to my elongated torment, but to no avail…until, last week, I found it! That dreaded episode that haunted me for years. Now I thought long and hard about sharing this link because when watching it back I thought to myself, how on earth could this have scared me into submission, but remember it was my memory that amplified the fear factor and I was about 8 years old, and I was home alone and... (all desperate attempts to try to save my man points).

Watch at your own risk, and heaven forbid your friend knocks your door whilst watching.