Top 15 Wins For School Kids Of The 90's

1.) The feeling of accomplishment when going up a reading level. #Boss

2.) When your teacher uses your work as an example.

3.) Getting your alien pregnant...did anyone actually manage it?

4.) You weren't cool unless you had at least 5 of these in your English book.

5.) Getting your YoYo to sleep was the bain of every 90's kids life, until the release of the X-brain. This single handedly revolutionised the YoYo game. I saved up forever to buy it! 9.99; a small fortune!

6.) What's the reason for wet play? Stupid question, for girls to make these obviously.

7.) When this rolled into the class there were hi-5's all around. However it always seemed to be The Never Ending Story..sigh.

 8.)You knew it was going to be a good day when you saw the dinner ladies handing this out.

9.) I'm sure I played this game more than most. I have tea time club to thank for satisfying my investigative and inquisitive mind. There was always one smart ass that would guess before asking any questions.

10.) Started off with one of these cards, given as a gift (or stolen, depending who you speak to) and managed to trade myself into a huge collection. Proudest moment, selling Chansey for a tenner. Get in.

11.) Never quite got the point of these, but at one time you couldn't escape them, they were everywhere.

12.) Heads down thumbs up, I remember a lot of tempers flaring in this game, friends choosing friends didn't bode well with those on the wrong side of the inner circle.

13.) If anyone can remember the name of this game I will be incredibly impressed. What was with the creepy ass faces on the back of the pieces! Damn.

14.) I think this picture speaks for itself, we have all been there. Then having to see the rest of term out with broken shoes because your mum doesn't understand the importance of next goal wins. 

 

15.) When your name gets mentioned in a book.

Let me know if I've missed anything. 

Follow @sweetsandsalt on instagram and twitter.

The Time All Hell Broke Loose

Primary School was a scary time for all of us, we were thrown out into the big wide world and were left to fend for ourselves for the first time in our young lives.  You didn't have any friends and you weren't quite sure how to make them. You were dropped off at school with your superhero lunch box and left to to your own devices with your only guardian being a teacher that was more concerned with how many cups of coffee she could consume then your well-being and in my case she couldn't even be bothered to pronounce my name correctly.

"Wayston...is Wayston here"....I turn around looking for a Wayston, once I realise shes talking to me I reply "nahh you kind of just say it how its written miss", "Raston...is there a Rassssston...?" she shouts,  sigh..."fine it's raston, rastons here". Oh the joys of growing up in a white school......"Why are you black?"...."Does your poo come out white?" All questions faced on a daily basis.



The infants were all well and good but when you hit the junior playground, that when s**t really got real, all bets were off, children were taller, fatter and more ignorant. During school days there was a clear hierarchy and respect was predominantly achieved by age and my, my, my did the teachers make you aware of it, it seemed before you were recognised as an individual you had to be in Year 6. The monitors were all in year 6, the year 6's got a prom, the year 6's even got to sit on an elevated platform. They were the top of the food chain and didn't they know it.

I'll never forget those chilly mornings as we (year 3's) rustled uncomfortably with our legs crossed on the solid vinyl flooring, (we knew we couldn't get comfortable but it was worth a try) looking behind us to see the year 6's perched on wooden benches staring down their smug noses at us like we were mere peasants.

There was a natural order of things; the year 3's were afraid of the year 4's, the year 4's were afraid of the year 5's and so on. But on one winter afternoon, the rule book was thrown out the window, nobody was safe, it was prison rules. For what happened on this glorious day nobody could have foreseen. Some say it should never have happened, some say the dinner ladies should have seen it coming, some say it should have been wet play.  It was on this day that I realised the impact that words could have upon a human being and ultimately the strength of a 10 year old.

Upon hearing this insult it was as if the gates of hell had been opened and a swarm of locusts had been sent to annihilate the junior playground leaving no skipping, sponge football or hula hoop free from desecration. All had been calm up until this moment and it was business as usual, each year group had there own designated area of their playground that they played in acceptingly.

At the time of this incident I was deeply engrossed in a match of football "West ham" vs "Arsenal" of which I was playing as Ian Wright, my childhood hero. Just as I dribbled past my opposition and drew my puma sting AstroTurf trainer back to strike what would have certainly have been a powerful shot past a helpless goalkeeper I heard, two fatal words echo from the other side of the playground...."YOUR MUM!" The playground stood still and silence fell, you could hear your own heartbeat, I immediately stopped what I was doing and turned to the direction of the echoing voice. The calm silence was suddenly broken by a scream of rage. A year 6 boy had insulted a year 5 and rather than accepting his position as an inferior he challenged it.

The scenes which ensued can only be compared to the visuals and lyrics in this video.



It was blasphemy and it was madness, but rather than taking out an army of Persians, he took out a entire year group single handedly. He didn't discriminate either, boys were thrown on their backs, girls tossed to the floor, he took out dinner ladies, equipment, senior management. Anything that was unfortunate enough to cross his path was an enemy. He was a wrecking ball, bodies were hitting the floor all over the playground. I looked on from a safe distance as the madness continuued, shell shocked. Why did my parents send me to such a lawless place? I wondered as the chaos surrounded me. Hell hath no fury like a child that is on the other side of a your mum joke.

Fail safe to get out off a heated your mum joke situation

The outburst was epic, there is no denying that, but what was more shocking was the fact that he had the audacity to attack a year 6 and not only did he attack them, he destroyed them and not only did he destroy them....he survived! Amen, he survived. As a result they were all afraid of him! The year group dynamics had now shifted. School had changed forever after that incident, the year 6's were no longer untouchable. Although that child did get excluded, he did it for the bigger picture, he was an idol, a matyr some may say, he took one for the team, we were no longer scared.

The Next Time I Stayed In A Hostel...

I was in New York! The concrete jungle where dreams are made of! I will never forget the taxi journey from the airport to our apartment when that song came on as we cruised through Manhattan as the bright city lights ignited the city. It was enough to send chills down your spine. And it did! I was here!

After spending a few nights in the comfort of our apartment, under the hospitality of our generous hosts, I decided it was time to go it alone and experience what this city really had to offer! I wanted the Miami experience! I wanted alcohol fueled nights with people I'd never see again, I wanted to ask someone where they were from then have to pretend I had heard of it, I wanted someone to walk into my dorm with a bottle of Jack and say “lets get tanked up!” It may seem like a lot but it happened before, why cant it happen again?… I wanted to stay in a hostel.

I ran to the nearest internet café on 125th, looked online, found the hostel with the best reviews in the best location, packed my bag and jumped on the one train bursting with anticipation. I couldn’t wait, how many people would be in my dorm? Where would they be from? Where would we go out first?  What would I wear? All thoughts ringing through my head as I galloped up to a miserable looking old man, with grey hair matted hair, olive skin and a toothpick hanging out the side of his mouth at reception, "hey what’s up" I exclaim in high spirits, with a tinge of an American accent which I had picked up from all the stateside sitcoms I watched as a kid. I had City Guys to thank for this particular dialect. I repeat myself, as by his motionless expressions, he couldn’t have heard me…. could he?  "Hey what’s up! I’ve got a reservation!" He takes my passports, grunts then hands me my keys.

AA - Automobile Association...right?

Still fueled by high spirits I bounce up the three flights of stairs to my room, I was like Tigger on heat. I reached the peak in about 3 steps, I push the door open with excitement to see a middle aged man on the bottom bunk reading what looked like a C.S Lewis novel.  He looked happy to see someone enter and we engage in meaningless conversation for 5 minutes. I then attempt to persuade him to come and chill outside. After realizing I’m onto a losing battle I break out my party starter, my crimson sword, my rocket launcher, my harrier jet to shake this guy into life! My bottle of flavored Vodka…Boooya!!! …"Check mate!" I say to myself glumly, I’ve been all around the world and not one person has been able to resist the taste of this delicacy on their lips…to which he replies, "ahh im with AA mate"…. I said "ahh that’s cool", blissfully unaware of the significance of the statement... "So you fancy a drink?" I crack open the bottle, smell the sweet scent of the marshmallows and exhale with a smile full of satisfaction…I gesture for him to smell it….

Not sure if this advertising campaign does any justice to my case , but  this is the best alcoholic drink...EVER!

"Alcoholics Anonymous" he replies “ I’ve been clean for four years” …I pause for a moment digesting the words which trickled out of his mouth…awwwwwkwarddddd…well this wasn’t going to work…. I picked up my bag, threw it in the locker, grasped my bottle of Vodka tightly by the neck (ensuring he saw me take it) and headed dejected to the lobby, to find two middle aged women playing chess! Where the hell am I? An old peoples home or a hospice! Miami this was not!

There Ain't No Party Like An S Club Party!

As lethargic and aged as this performance may seem, it cannot be denied that if you were born in the late 80's or early 90's in England, you inevitably grew up listening to S Club 7. After hearing they have reunited I played this tune to one of my friends and his first words were, "this seems like the happiest thing ever, I expect to see rainbows and Unicorns when I leave the house now". And I agree, its such an uplifting song it makes you think anything is possible...and it is! Listen to the words of this song, they may come in useful one day. "Don't stop never give up, hold your head high and reach the top!"






Don't stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what you have got
Bring it all back to you

Hold on to what you try to be
Your individuality
When the world is on your shoulders
Just smile and let it go
If people try to put you down
Just walk on by don't turn around
You only have to answer to yourself

Don't you know it's true what they say
That life, it ain't easy
But your time's coming around
So don't you stop tryin'

Don't stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what you have got
Bring it all back to you
Dream of falling in love
Anything you've been thinking of
When the world seems to get too tough
Bring it all back to you

Na na na na..

Try not to worry 'bout a thing
Enjoy the good times life can bring
Keep it all inside you
Gotta let the feeling show
Imagination is the key
'Cos you are you're own destiny
You never should be lonely
When time is on your side

What Do Women Want?

I heard this joke and found it quite amusing.

"A woman needs four animals in her life: a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the driveway, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for it all"...funny, but could there be any truth in it? Could women be that shallow?

What do women want? It's the age old question that has been irking men for years. Four simple words. This is probably the most frequently asked question that has never had a definitive answer. What do women want? It has been a topic of discussion of hapless men all over the world since the dawn of man and it recently became the topic of discussion between a few of my friends. I'm sure many smarter men than us have asked this question and failed to achieve an answer (even Sigmund Freud gave up after 30 years of research!) but hey, why not give it a go, lets find out what the average East London lad thinks women want.

I gather a few friends and go straight for it "What do you think women really want? I ask inquisitively, "A sharp groan comes across the table from an obviously dejected and defeated male. "Listen yeah" he begins "women don't even know what they want, so how would we know!" A cackle of laughs akin to a pack of hyenas rapture around the room. 'Naah, have you seen my car, they like nice cars" interjects another. "Ahh...so that's why you got that car?" ponders someone else. After a series of jokes I quickly realised this wasn't getting us anywhere, until someone shouted out, "what about what we want!?"

Worked for him, kinda...

Interesting, I thought. After all, in a successful relationships one of many decisive factors is the ability to  meet each others needs. So I changed my stance...what do we want from women? It actually turned out that our list was pretty short and slightly unrealistic. "They need to make a specifications tab on Tinder" quips one, "I'd search for a good cook that doesn't talk through Match of the Day, then I'd set my location to within 15m" He chuckles. The room erupts with laughter again. As the evening wore on and the alcohol vanished from our glasses, one thing was certain, we still had no idea of what women wanted, but at least we had achieved something, intoxication. We decided to call it a night and left in our blissful ignorance.

Ultimately, although we all have the same core fundamental needs of physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualisation (fulfilling your potential) everyone is different and you cant tarnish everyone with the same brush, all women aren't indecisive and emotionally needy and all men are not self confident and able to put up a shelf.

We've all been there!

In my opinion we all have the same needs but in order to satisfy them for a woman you need to put in a bit more effort. For example, men like to be listened to when they have a story to tell, women like to be listened to all the time. Men occasionally like to be complimented, women like to be complimented all the time. But in the end i'm just as stumped as the other 3.5 billion males in this lonely world. Maybe it's the kind of assumption from the opening sentence as to where men have been going wrong all along? So to surmise, what do women want? Why don't you ask them?

The Time I Realised My Dad Was Right All Along

Now I don’t like preaching or telling people how to live their lives but I had a thought today and it was about happiness and I wondered how a person could achieve happiness? Can it be a continuous state or is it just a temporary emotion? and why do some people blame others for their unhappiness. Well after 30 seconds I got bored and started watching Worldstarhiphop Vine compilation (damn those women know how to shake their ass). But in my 29 seconds of enlightenment here’s what I came up with.

Its fair to say I have been heavily influenced by my father and my dad has about 3 catchphrases which almost anyone who has spent a day with him will know too well. My dad is a simple man and in his company you can expect three things, an infectious laugh,  to be told a great story and a distinct lack of sympathy when listening to someone complain about losing a material item.

My dad taught me how to smile, lol

Any time we misplaced something, seemingly lost something, had a second thought or even had a slight regret my dad would belt out his three iconic words “cha, that gann man” (translation - that is gone, forget about it) in his Jamaican accent. That was a constant saying and echoed throughout my childhood, “cha, that gann man”.

It didn’t matter if you lost a pound, wallet, camera, car, passport, laptop or limb when telling my father about it you could expect those same 4 words every time, to which my siblings found annoying and dismissive at first but then hilarious. And as a result anytime we (siblings) were feeling sorry for ourselves we would say his words to each other in his Jamaican accent and the mood would quickly be lifted , ”that gann man”.

Now the more i've thought about it the more ive come to realise the signicance of it, It really stems around the idea of letting go of something that you no longer have control over. Ultimately you could say that not a lot is in your control and all is in the hands of god, the universe, karma or whatever you believe in, but being able to let go of things enables you to overcome obstacles which you may not have been able to other wise.

How heavy is a glass of water?

I heard something recently and it asked, how heavy is a glass of water, and the answer was basically, that it depends how long you are holding onto it.. the longer you hold onto your burdens or problems, the longer they will hold you down and the heavier they will become, so put the glass of water down and let it go.

Let go of your anger and disappointment, be appreciative for the people who are around you and the things you do have, that’s the key to happiness. Just say to yourself….”cha that gann man” and keep smiling. Works for me!

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight