The Competition Hots Up!

I always said I wouldn’t be a blogger that goes on a hiatus, alas 3 months into blogging I go on undue hiatus, such as life. #Fail.

So what have I been up to that has been able to stop me, quite a lot to be honest. But high on my agenda has been my fitness regime. If you have read my earlier post you would be aware that I am currently competing in a battle against financial ruin against what I now know to be a worthy opponent. We are battling for an (almost) all expense paid trip to sunny Santorini, the land of clear skies, beautiful beaches and is a stones throw away from economic hardship.

What could motivate a man more than waking up to this view?

Probably having an ice cold beer this view

But never the less,  we are now at the half way point and the competition is hotting up.

I initially got ahead to a blazing start winning the first 2 weeks only to be pulled back to a draw after 8 weeks of competition, with the score level pegged at 4 weeks to 4 just before Jesus’ birthday. Then catastrophe hits, I’m taken from behind (get your mind out off the gutter). Its now 5 -4 and I’m losing for the first time in the competition. But what does a real champion do when they take a knock? they dig deep and find a will to fight, hence I storm to another lead.

Coming into this competition I didn’t know what affects it would have on my social calendar after all, what’s the worse thing that could happen when you agree to something when your drunk….(don’t answer that).

Is there much worse than seeing this?

Well the reality of the competition is this…on Sunday night you set your alarm and thanks to Samsung ‘s alarm clock feature you count the hours before you wake up, you stay up for an extra 30 minutes consuming media (Youtube etc), you know you will be sleep deprived, but you do it anyway…you wake up tired (no shit Sherlock), you go to work, you be amazing. But then you wonder… you wonder if your opponent is going to make it to the gym, you look at the TV guide and you wonder, you see the Champions League is on and you wonder if you can watch it, you wonder if they are going to go to the gym to get a head start on you, you finish work and all you want to do is to get home, beat the traffic, have a cuppa and watch Eastenders however…you get that dreaded snap chat….they are in the gym and you are at home like a loser, your comfortable evening of doing nothing is now tainted, tainted with the stench of defeat. You may be in the shower for a while trying to get rid of it, however it doesn’t wash out easily. They want it!

Well they may want it, but not more than me, I have had a surge in energy these previous weeks and I’m going to win this.

Current score 7 – 5 to me! Game on! 10 weeks to go!

All motivational whatsapps to get me to the gym are welcomed.

"1, 2 Harvey's coming for you, 

3, 4 better lock your door, 

5, 6 grab your crucifix, 

7, 8 I won't be staying up late, 

Why?

cos I'm gonna kick your ass! Thats why!"

#HarveysGonnaKickYourAss. Can you make hashtags about yourself? Nevermind I just did, deal with it!

The Time I Witnessed The Not So Great Escape...

Cast you mind into the future, you have lived a happy life, maybe you have been married, maybe you have children, maybe you have travelled the world or struck it rich. However no mater what you accomplished, there will always be a decision that you will carry forever. A decision that you would prefer to have changed. It could be a job you wished you had applied for, a risk you wish you had been brave enough to take, a person you wish you spent more (or less) time with. Well that's the beauty of hindsight and as romantic as going back in time sounds it isn't possible, so what do you do?

If you recognise this, you should feel old...this was once a date which at one point felt more distant than the moon itself

Well on a silent winters evening I witnessed someone take their fate into their own hands, they saw an opportunity and seized it, leaving nothing in the hands of fate.

I was coming home from a hard day at work and decided to treat myself to a cheeky pancake roll. As I approached my favourite chinese restaurant I could hear a crackly voice shouting through the darkness. I ignored it at first, as you do, then I heard it again and felt compelled to look around. The words "stop following me!" crumbled from the lips of a pint-sized elderly woman, with hair a white as snow and a coat as dark as soot.

This was strange, who would want to bring harm to such a feeble looking old woman. I looked in the direction of the withered voice, puffed my chest out ready to rescue this pensioner in peril and do my good deed for the day. But at a second glance I realised she didn't need my assistance at all, any intervention would merely have slowed her progress, for she was a woman on a mission, she had a determined look in her eye and moved with a purpose, a lethargic purpose but a purpose none the less. She raised her voice 0.5 decibels higher, "stop following me...I'm, warning you!" shaking her fist as you only see in cartoons.

"Elizabeth i'm just doing my job" a soft voice responds, "Your not doing your job your chasing me... who told you? Julie!?"  I had expected to see a woman being chased by a stranger, a hooded man, up to no good with evil in his eyes and anger in his heart, instead I witnessed a low speed pursuit as Elizabeth steadily yet angrily raised her rollator above the curb to mount the pavement. I casted my eyes across the road to see where Elizabeth the Innocent was escaping from, it was an old peoples home, this elderly woman had waited with baited breath for darkness to fall, to stealthily make her great escape but her efforts were scuppered only due to the sabotage of Julie on reception.

My expectation of the person chasing poor Elizabeth the innocent

What I imagine Julie on reception to look like.

I thought I would wait a moment to see how this panned out, after all where was she escaping to, what was the master plan? Where might an elderly woman want to escape to on a Tuesday evening at 7pm? Where other than the local chip shop! You couldn't make it up, it's a shame she forgot her purse, it was almost a perfectly executed plan.

The appeal of his inviting smile and cod in batter were all too alluring for Elizabeth the Devious

Although Elizabeth the Brave never got her chips that night.  I salute her, she has demonstrated that's it's never to late to take your life in your own hands and go for what you want however big or small and yes there will be Julie's out there that may attempt to slow your progress or stop it in it's tracks but don't let that suppress your desires. Do an Elizabeth and live on the wild side. 

Elizabeth the Sly, master of stealth carried out her duties as usual as to not arise suspicion before the night of the great escape

I'm sure 50 years ago she wouldn't have thought it would have been a challenge to walk to the shops and buy something of her own accord but that's how quickly our goals and perspectives can change. I salute you Elizabeth, next time bribe Julie with a Werthers Original and I'm sure your next mission will be a success.

The Time I Didn’t Get To The End...

I was a pretty sensible kid and as my parents worked during the day I was kind of left to my own devices after school.  I'd walk home alone, let myself in and do pretty much whatever I wanted.

Some kids may have used this time to wreck havoc or wander the streets. But I chose to do the opposite, I’d eat my after school meal that my mum always prepared, sit on my parents bed and tune into nothing other than cbbc (I was about 8 years old). I was a child of routine and did this everyday throughout the winter months for as long as I could remember. I watched whatever was on or if I really felt like treating myself I'd put on a movie. The genre didn’t matter because I wasn’t the most squeamish so would happily watch anything (apart from Cousin IT, the devil himself must have made that film).

However the tide turned on one warm spring afternoon, I was perched on my parents bed as usual watching an episode of my favorite TV show, Goosebumps. But then my front door knocked as the show reached it's climax. It was one of my best friends,  he asked me to play out and I quickly obliged, switching the TV off and running outside, probably the worse decision I have ever made.

All seemed well until later that night. As I lay in my bed and began to drift into a slumber, I realised something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put a finger on it. Now I am a person that doesn’t dream, for me, as soon as I close my eyes everything turns black, total darkness falls and before I know it, it's tomorrow. 

But no, not this night, my perfect darkness was hijacked within my unconscious mind and instead I was transported to a world I was unfamiliar with, an age I had no recollection of, a body I didn't recognise, but within a scenario which seemed all too familiar. Where was I? I was in the exact scene in the Goosebumps episode when I decided to join my friend outside. Except I was alone and I had no guidance in the unforgiving world of children’s television.

Now all those that had the pleasure of watching Goosebumps knew it could be a little thrilling, but on that day my merciless mind taught me that the imagination is scarier than anything that a movie could ever muster up. I don’t know what I had done to my mind on this occasion, but one thing was certain, it wanted to scare the s**t out of me. And oh did it succeed.  I was petrified, everything that could possibly happen to someone happened in that nightmare and boy do I remember it as vividly as ever. Everything was trying to kill me, I was drowning in sand, trapped in a pyramid maze whereby the walls kept rearranging themselves and if that wasn’t enough, I was being chased by a mummy, called Claudette, that’s my mums name. The one thing that I was familiar with was the main thing trying to kill me (ahh the irony). I literally woke up in about 3 cold sweats that night, afraid to even step out of my bed, terrified of even my own shadow, i'm sure if I took my eyes of him he’d have been added to the list of things trying to kill me.

I have gone through lengths to attempt to find this episode to eradicate my fears, finish watching it and to put an end to my elongated torment, but to no avail…until, last week, I found it! That dreaded episode that haunted me for years. Now I thought long and hard about sharing this link because when watching it back I thought to myself, how on earth could this have scared me into submission, but remember it was my memory that amplified the fear factor and I was about 8 years old, and I was home alone and... (all desperate attempts to try to save my man points).

Watch at your own risk, and heaven forbid your friend knocks your door whilst watching.