The Time The House Lost...

You know that song by T.O.K ”I just got paid and I got a little money to burn” yeah that one, well it was definitely not the theme song of my life at this moment. I was over worked, under paid, over stressed and under laid. Ha-ha, it wasn't that bad, but you get my point.

Anyway I decided that my next get rich quick scheme (I’ve had quite a few of these in my time) would be to gamble! Like nobody has ever thought of that before! Anyway, I consulted my finances, got out a pad and pen, liaised with my trusty friend Google and had a lunch with a friend (a real one) that is a pretty big gambler, a gambler that I’ve seen walk away from a bookies with more cash then the average dude makes in a month of hard labour, (working for a boss that doesn’t like him and a girlfriend that is dissatisfied at his futile attempts to please her) in just 5 minutes flat... I was in good company.

We conversed about the dogs, horses, roulette, football, odds, evens and all kinds of other crap I couldn’t be bothered to remember. But one thing was for certain, he was the real deal and he knew his stuff.

Having finished our conversation, I left upbeat and in high spirits, having made a note of all his formulas and secrets to win big at the casino and got on the train with my over loaded backpack for my 90 minute commute back to the heart of London, which was delayed due to a signal failure at Finchley road, god damit. A crash back to reality. Oh, the joys of London transport,  Compelled even more when you don’t get a seat.

I digress, fast forward a fortnight and I am ready, I'm prepared, I've read everything I need to read and practised everything I need to practise.  Now all I need is silence, I turn on my laptop and log into William Hill ready to make a killing. I tell everyone in my presence that I need silence and not to disturb me,

Roulette is my weapon of choice, and I play with £20, that’s my agreed limit. I’ve gone in with a clean head on my shoulders, first spin, £10 down, god damit, but I keep the faith and stick to the strategy. Before you know it I’ve got £50…. Then £20…then £60 and then...it happened, I raised the stakes, putting £5 on each number. I thought YOLO (does anyone even say that any more?).  I got to £200 then £300 then £700…£700 from 20 friggin quid…. then I said in dell boy fashion, to myself “this time tomorrow Rodney, we’ll be millionaires” the excitement was too much I put £25 on each number, If my number came in I would win at least £25 x 36 from just twenty quid! get your calculators out, that’s serious cash. I had most of the table covered. I was sure to win. I almost wet myself. My mind flashed to this scene in American Dad, I was gonna make it "rain on dem H**s".

Then I thought to myself …wait, what!?  £25 on each number...I looked at the balance and realised I had almost £500 on the table! £500! What the f**k! I came to my senses and tried to remove the money...no response …then to my horror...BETS CLOSED! God dammit, I could only wait with baited breath as the ball danced delicately across the vanished spindle, to the sound of my irregular heartbeats. Tick..Tick…tick…tick…